Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Day We All Stood Still

April 1, popularly known as April Fools' Day, would never mean the same to me again. Although I don't join the pranksters in their merry-making and fooling around, I make it a point to give myself a break and allow myself to guffaw or laugh hysterically like a hyena gone loose. The thought of waking up to tragic news on that Palm Sunday morning was enough to make me cry as if my tears could resurrect the dead.

That morning, we were all prepared for the worse. Dad went to Tuguegarao ahead of us because my grandma suffered a stroke exactly the Sunday before Palm Sunday. As witnesses have told us, my grandma was seated at the first pew of the cathedral when she suddenly couldn't move and fell to the ground as parishioners were all gathered to hear Sunday mass.

My grandma's well-known for believing in the power of prayer. To her, it's our direct line to God. She reminded us constantly never to go to bed without saying our prayers and every time the clock struck three in the afternoon, she would call her precious grandchildren and beloved children to pray the 3 o' clock habit with her. These simple character traits will forever be part of her legacy and a habit I wish we'll continue to do and teach our kids someday.

Another favorite pastime of our grandma was to play card games, especially Solitaire, Pusoy Dos and Tong-its. She would play with anyone who challenges her and she becomes quite competitive when she sees a novice play better than her. I used to think it was wrong of her to teach us these games but they're not so bad after all. It's when you include betting and gambling in the picture; that's when it becomes ugly.

People have recently argued with me that among my dad's kids, I'm her favorite grandchild. I strongly oppose the notion that I AM her favorite. If grandparents favor a single grandchild more than he does the rest of his grandkids, it's not nice. I really refuse to see any of my grandparents favoring one of us more than the others. It's actually a greedy and selfish thought.

Holy Week 2012 was spent praying, trying to conceal our grief by humoring ourselves and by reconnecting with cousins, aunts, uncles, nephews and nieces whom you don't normally see every summer. Our grandma's departing brought forth a huge number of people who love her dearly and would find it hard not to miss her every now and then.

How do you compose a eulogy for someone who was gone too soon? How can we bring ourselves to see that death is not the end but the beginning of a new chapter in the lives of our dearly departed? Excuse me, devout Catholics. I don't believe my grandparents' souls are in purgatory nor do I believe in limbo and the cantos of hell. Don't you think the Catholic Church has been brainwashing you?

When it's time for us to leave Earth, our temporary shelter in the universe, we aren't prepared. No one can really say they are. Death doesn't announce its arrival. It doesn't show signs of coming and going. Its mystery is the beauty that mystifies and lets us imagine how God's Heavenly kingdom looks and feels like so when someone in your family dies, do not cry. Rejoice and praise God for He gave us the luxury of spending quality time and allowed us to build lasting memories with unforgettable people.






Sunday, November 13, 2011

My Opinion Is Mine and You Can't Make Me Take It Back

After two years of keeping silent and being unaware of which version and whose side of the story people would believe, I am a bit appalled. Clearly, the versions have been told and retold, tweaked and exaggerated to everyone's liking. With each retelling, I've been introduced and now will be known as the antagonist of a sad story that hasn't reached its end.

She's happy where she is and so am I. She's a successful blogger (she has a Blogspot account); working as hard as she could to be able to shell out money to pay the rent and the bills. As any person would, she's happiest whenever present in the company of friends.

I blog but I'm not recognized by netizens as a certified blogger. I blog about anything that pops up in my head. I do not do this to please my readers and those who happened to stumble upon my sites. Rather, I blog for these reasons:

  • to express myself and share my daily ramblings to nosy, bored people who matter to me
  • to fulfill the requirement of my psychiatrist (this was the case 7 years ago)
  • because I want to say what I want to and I don't care what you may think of me just as much as I don't care what you say about me.
My long overdue reflection on what transpired is simply that you cannot expect everyone to share the same values as yours. They weren't brought up in the same household, they're not among your family and even if they were, each person is different. Our differences are what makes us human and the acquisition of a conscience separates us from other living entities.

If you can't handle the heat, better not to carry a matchstick with you. Possession of a lighter or anything that can only add fuel to the fire may mean your an accessory to a crime you didn't commit. In the court of Life, God, the Almighty is the Judge. We can either be the assailant, the prosecutors or the people vs. a certain someone whom the community is ashamed of.

Read my blog title. Now, you can't say you weren't informed beforehand.

Friday, September 30, 2011

쿼터 - 삶과 청소년의 무의미한 사상 (Quarter-Life and the Nonsensical Thoughts of Youth)

It's the "Ber" months once again and temperatures have dropped to the mid-20s from the mid-30s. My birthday was over and my brother's turning 23 in a few weeks. I've reached that age where you are qualified to complain about quarter-life crisis and use it as an excuse to bum around 'cause you're still figuring out what you truly want.

Career-wise, I still aspire to become a writer. Not to be the best writer (as I think I'm the only one who says I write well) but to be an honest, straight-to-the-point type of writer. I find that only a handful of news reporters and broadcast journalists respect their subjects and stick to their topics of discussion. Most of them beat around the bush. Would you trust a reporter who has a reputation for destroying the dignity of her interviewees? I don't want to be THAT reporter, more so become one of her victims.


Before when I started to keep a journal, I focused on things that happened to me on a daily basis. Rarely will you find me writing a book review or a movie review which I started doing in junior high. I fell in love with blogging that it came to a point where I had no social life because I was constantly in front of the PC, updating my blog. Creating a public blog has been my intention in order for people who are curious about me to know the real score. You can say that having a blog is much similar to writing your autobiography.

Along the way, you may have encountered a situation that you simply lack the resources to solve on your own. My Blogger account before this one was filled with angst-ridden posts which made me decide to shut it down temporarily until I've dealt with my inner demons. The music I listened to changed from Disney songs to heavy metal and alternative. Think Linkin Park, Alien Ant Farm, System of A Down, Fat Boy Slim, Beastie Boys, The Offspring and Limp Bizkit.

I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 15. Hormonal imbalance was the culprit and I blame this disorder for ruining my high-school life. If this wasn't enough, I was constantly bullied by immature, testosterone-heavy boys, who unbeknownst to us, keep condoms inside their wallets. When I could no longer take it and the rage that I felt had been too much that it began to explode, I challenged the boys to a sparring contest. Guess what happened next. All those boys got suspended and were unqualified for admission to the school the following academic year. Me? I got nothing but a reprimand. The teachers made it clear they weren't going to interfere for they saw how patiently I accepted the teasing and ridicule thrown my way.

Ten years after the diagnosis that changed my life, I still take Epival in the morning after brunch yet now I take St. John's Wort before bedtime to help me sleep. I have a normal social life, a boyfriend whom I've been with for 51 months, and a family who's got my back through it all. Lessons were learned, paths were chosen and crossed, but behind this young woman's facade is a little girl who struggles to defeat her illness and eventually be told that she can stop being dependent on valproic acid.


Sunday, January 16, 2011

Engagement - How to save money Getting Engaged: Brides.com

Engagement - How to save money Getting Engaged: Brides.com

This is a useful guide for newly-engaged couples. Assess 1st how you're gonna plan all the wedding details. From the venue, gown designs down to who will craft the elaborate guest cards, misalettes and invitations; this link provides brides and their grooms essential know-how that will make planning for your big day feel like a breeze!

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Kaya Hindi Naging Tayo

Kaya pala di rin tayo naging.... TAYO
Sapagkat isa kang taong madaling malito;
isang lalaking ubod pa naman ng guwapo,
ngunit kung oobserbaha'y isa naman palang
Mangmang.
...
Kay gandang malaman
Na ikaw ay lumisan
'Pagkat sa piling mo'y di masisiyahan
Tiyak walang ligayang mararamdaman.

Thank You - Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure

I will never stop crying the moment I hear this tune.... My answered prayers are all the more echoed in this song