I grew up watching Star Wars. I have seen all nine films. If I was asked which are my top three Star Wars films, they would have to be Attack of the Clones (Hayden Christensen is such a badass Anakin), Empire Strikes Back and the recently shown Rise of the Skywalker simply because I admire Kylo Ren and what he stood for.
*Spoilers Ahead*
I was among the fortunate ones who managed to watch Rise of the Skywalker before the Manila Film Fest started. My cousins Franky, Dannica, CD, Z and I watched it with Tito Buboy at Ayala Malls Manila Bay.
Prior to seeing it, I already had theories and expectations about how I wanted the saga to end. The origins of Rey, why Kylo Ren felt he had to live up to the image of Darth Vader, how will the First Order accomplish its goal of world domination and will Finn finally be able to tell Rey how he feels about her?
It was no longer about the battle for justice. Rey does not have a clue who she is and don't we all ask ourselves at least once in a while who are we and how did we get to where we are now? What made me come this far? Who gave me courage and the ability to move on despite my troublesome past?
Rey's dilemma echoes mine back when I was in high school and college. I had no idea why I took up marketing and advertising. Was I following my mom's footsteps in hopes that I'll be as successful as she is in the corporate world or was I trying to prove I can be better? College opened opportunities I was fearful of grabbing. Unlike high school when you all really wanted was to graduate with your friends and not with a batch younger than yours.
How about Kylo Ren? How was he able to kill Han Solo without remorse or guilt for what he had done? Why does he resent Han and Princess Leia so much? Yet when he learns about Rey and how fond his mother Leia is of her, he went ballistic and takes out his rage on Rey.
As an adult who still lives under her parents' roof, it can get chaotic having to obey them when we want to speak up and be heard. We answer back and like a childish, immature brat we storm off the house and run away; believing that would solve the problem.
Kylo must have felt like an idiot. He must have thought he is worthless to anyone, even his parents. Throughout the saga, we see how it is in chaos where people who have animosity towards each other unite to fight a villain that has given them nothing but pain and sorrow: the Siths.
In the Star Wars universe, the Siths are the most evil bunch of the lot. They use the Force to perform vile deeds and they do not mind eliminating anyone who dares to mess up their plans. The Jedis are all about peace, order and equality. Thus that is why the audience are asked, are you a Sith or a Jedi?
For Christians, the Force is the power of the Holy Spirit that comes from God. It is His grace that overflows and is constantly with us as long as we continue to seek God and live in His image and righteousness. I have been a Kylo Ren and Rey as a teen and now that I'm in my 30s, I am working towards being the Kylo and Rey that worked together to overthrow Palpatine and the First Order.
Will I let my future kids know how much their mom loves the Star Wars saga? Definitely! Thank you, George Lucas, for the characters I have loved since I was in seventh grade. C3PO, R2D2, Chewbacca, Han Solo, Luke and Leia, Darth Vader, Obi wan Kenobi, Qui Gon Jinn, Jar Jar Binks, Padmé Amidala - - - I have loved them like they were my family!
Go see the saga now. Start with A New Hope, Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Then Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Do not miss any of the nine films. Each film has its importance and place to make the saga easy to understand and appreciate.
Now, excuse me as I grab some popcorn and start my own marathon.
Wednesday, January 8, 2020
Thursday, September 13, 2018
When It's Time To Let Go
When do we know or how can we tell when it is time to let go of someone we love but does not love us back? How about friends who only bring chaos and turmoil to your life; when they no longer serve their purpose?
The moment we notice that nothing in life is permanent except change, that is when we should stop and look at what is hindering us from our walk with God. To become truly obedient to Him, we have to sacrifice a few friendships (and yes, loved ones too) along the way. The phrase, "blood is thicker than water"? Do you even know the whole phrase and what it means? People don't know that it is part of a much longer one: "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". It means the blood that is shed by soldiers on the battlefield makes for stronger bonds than those of the family you happened by chance to be born into.
Christianity is not a walk in the park. You will get into arguments and never-ending debates with people whose beliefs are different from yours everyday and when you allow yourself to live by His Word and be nourished by it rather than just nourishing your physical bodies with food and drink, that is the time you have to decide who stays in your life and who goes.
Where we're going, we don't need friends. All you need with you is Jesus. This is precisely why only a few people can fully walk the path the Lord gives them. I am not saying you should break up with all your pals and chums and live in seclusion to show that you are right with God and that you're devoting your life to Him. What it means is that we should learn to know what it will cost us to take up our cross and follow Jesus.
Do not get offended when people ridicule you for no longer doing the nasty things you did before you surrendered your life to Him and chose to serve Him. Many have been persecuted and stoned to death; some were even hanged and crucified for their unwavering faith and obedience to God's call.
To Catholics, this people are saints. I choose to see them as men and women of action. Faith without works is dead, as it was mentioned in the Bible, but don't let it mislead you into thinking that you need to do good in order to be saved. For we are saved by grace through faith in Him so that none of us may boast.
Start and end your day with a prayer. Choose kindness than hatred and violence. Learn to agree to disagree and never force your beliefs on someone. Respect must beget respect. For us to coexist and live in harmony, we must be humble and remember that everything will pass. Your friends, your earthly family, your life itself will pass as well. Live the life you want to be proud of.
The moment we notice that nothing in life is permanent except change, that is when we should stop and look at what is hindering us from our walk with God. To become truly obedient to Him, we have to sacrifice a few friendships (and yes, loved ones too) along the way. The phrase, "blood is thicker than water"? Do you even know the whole phrase and what it means? People don't know that it is part of a much longer one: "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". It means the blood that is shed by soldiers on the battlefield makes for stronger bonds than those of the family you happened by chance to be born into.
Christianity is not a walk in the park. You will get into arguments and never-ending debates with people whose beliefs are different from yours everyday and when you allow yourself to live by His Word and be nourished by it rather than just nourishing your physical bodies with food and drink, that is the time you have to decide who stays in your life and who goes.
Where we're going, we don't need friends. All you need with you is Jesus. This is precisely why only a few people can fully walk the path the Lord gives them. I am not saying you should break up with all your pals and chums and live in seclusion to show that you are right with God and that you're devoting your life to Him. What it means is that we should learn to know what it will cost us to take up our cross and follow Jesus.
Do not get offended when people ridicule you for no longer doing the nasty things you did before you surrendered your life to Him and chose to serve Him. Many have been persecuted and stoned to death; some were even hanged and crucified for their unwavering faith and obedience to God's call.
To Catholics, this people are saints. I choose to see them as men and women of action. Faith without works is dead, as it was mentioned in the Bible, but don't let it mislead you into thinking that you need to do good in order to be saved. For we are saved by grace through faith in Him so that none of us may boast.
Start and end your day with a prayer. Choose kindness than hatred and violence. Learn to agree to disagree and never force your beliefs on someone. Respect must beget respect. For us to coexist and live in harmony, we must be humble and remember that everything will pass. Your friends, your earthly family, your life itself will pass as well. Live the life you want to be proud of.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
The Last Letter To My Special Someone
Dear Future Husband,
We have been friends for 11 months now. Two nights ago, I thought I already knew that it is you I'd say yes to. Your surname will be mine, I'll be the mother of our kids, but you and I still have a lot of growing up to do.
Please let us go on being friends. Distance and time will help us be better and enable us to become the man and wife we each aspire to be.
I am leaving you with memories to last a lifetime. When the day shall come for you to propose to any woman you choose, may it be me or the woman you are attracted to and charmed by, may we be able to accept it but go on being courteous, civil and friendly to each other.
My dear friend. My confidante. How I long to someday plant a kiss on your cheek and wake up next to you and have our children wake us up even at ungodly hours. I'd gladly cook, clean, do the laundry and submit to your leadership. I will love you until my last breath.
You are loved. You are cherished. I'll keep you in my heart... ALWAYS.
Yours in time,
Cara
We have been friends for 11 months now. Two nights ago, I thought I already knew that it is you I'd say yes to. Your surname will be mine, I'll be the mother of our kids, but you and I still have a lot of growing up to do.
Please let us go on being friends. Distance and time will help us be better and enable us to become the man and wife we each aspire to be.
I am leaving you with memories to last a lifetime. When the day shall come for you to propose to any woman you choose, may it be me or the woman you are attracted to and charmed by, may we be able to accept it but go on being courteous, civil and friendly to each other.
My dear friend. My confidante. How I long to someday plant a kiss on your cheek and wake up next to you and have our children wake us up even at ungodly hours. I'd gladly cook, clean, do the laundry and submit to your leadership. I will love you until my last breath.
You are loved. You are cherished. I'll keep you in my heart... ALWAYS.
Yours in time,
Cara
The Dangers of Stereotyping and Limiting One’s Potential
Have you experienced being stereotyped, called names that are not your given name? How bad did that make you feel? Recently, I met up with a crush here in Baguio and although he meant no harm nor did he expect that I would react this way to how he perceives us, I came to see the dangers in stereotyping and how it correlates to limiting someone’s potential.
N said he’s a mountain boy while I am a rich kid.
N also said he likes simple women who love the great outdoors.
C responded by not showing her dismay. She calmly took the perception and analyzed what N was saying about his preferences in a woman. Then as C lay awake in bed, tears began to flow freely and it shocked her how she hid the truth from N that she is bothered by the fact that N thinks she’s high maintenance. N would have to make a lot of sacrifices just to meet her halfway or reach the same financial freedom she has. He doesn’t see her overall potential. He sees at least 30%. The remaining 70% he completely disregards.
Tuwing tayo ay nagiging mapanghusga sa ating kapwa, inaalis natin ang ating sarili sa Kanyang pamumuno. Tuwing minamasdan natin at binabalewala ang paghihirap at ang nais ng iba na umahon at umasenso sa buhay, di natin napapansin na tayo na pala ang sanhi ng kanilang kawalan ng tiwala? Saan o kanino sila nawalan nito? Una, nawawalan sila ng tiwala sa angkin nilang talento. Kapag nawala na iyan, sunud-sunod mo nang pagdududahan di lamang ang iyong sarili kundi pati na rin ang Siyang lumikha sa sanlibutan.
We should not belittle others. We should not stop them from being who and what they are meant to be.
N said he’s a mountain boy while I am a rich kid.
N also said he likes simple women who love the great outdoors.
C responded by not showing her dismay. She calmly took the perception and analyzed what N was saying about his preferences in a woman. Then as C lay awake in bed, tears began to flow freely and it shocked her how she hid the truth from N that she is bothered by the fact that N thinks she’s high maintenance. N would have to make a lot of sacrifices just to meet her halfway or reach the same financial freedom she has. He doesn’t see her overall potential. He sees at least 30%. The remaining 70% he completely disregards.
Tuwing tayo ay nagiging mapanghusga sa ating kapwa, inaalis natin ang ating sarili sa Kanyang pamumuno. Tuwing minamasdan natin at binabalewala ang paghihirap at ang nais ng iba na umahon at umasenso sa buhay, di natin napapansin na tayo na pala ang sanhi ng kanilang kawalan ng tiwala? Saan o kanino sila nawalan nito? Una, nawawalan sila ng tiwala sa angkin nilang talento. Kapag nawala na iyan, sunud-sunod mo nang pagdududahan di lamang ang iyong sarili kundi pati na rin ang Siyang lumikha sa sanlibutan.
We should not belittle others. We should not stop them from being who and what they are meant to be.
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
31 Years Of Earthly Existence and What It Has Taught Me
To those who have been reading my blog posts since I started this account, you would remember how I was this angst-ridden, antsy college kid who informed everyone about what irks her and what drives her to do the things she does and most of the time, those decisions stemmed from emotions that overpowered her morals.
I just came home from Samsung Hall, SM Aura Premier, where Freedom Fest 2018 was held. I met people from different VCF and CCF congregations as well as other Christian churches all over the Metro as we gathered together for a day commemorating the Philippines' 120th anniversary of independence from Spanish colonial rule. Not only was it a celebration of liberty and separation from Spain but it signifies our freedom from bondage. The freedom that Christ gives us compares to nothing we can ever get here on Earth.
Damboo Calixto, a fellow member of VCF Alabang, was surprised to find himself being with another member from his home church. I know him by face but not by name but as we spent almost eight hours together worshipping, listening and praising God, I saw how God has been faithful to him as he came to SM Aura without a ticket, He withdrew money from his account to be able to afford one but God blessed him with a free ticket, allowing him to enjoy and participate in the festivities.
As I listened to the speakers speak about veering away from the world's views on relationships, success and character, I found myself reflecting on the past 31 years of my human existence. One of the speakers said that we should reap for ourselves treasures in heaven for all the luxuries we enjoy now will remain here. We are not to take anything with us to our graves and Paradise.
Have I been reaping those heavenly treasures? For what we consider high in value is only pavement in heaven, as per the words of Pastor JP Masakayan from Christ Commission Fellowship. Marble and gold are expensive and only museums or monoliths use those for its structures. In Pyrgos, Greece, the whole village is made from marble. How awesome is that? Truly, God made wondrous things.
If God gives the flowers unique skin and color, so has he made us unique and in His image and likeness. We are God's representatives on Earth and we should reflect His love, mercy, generosity and compassion to all mankind. Whether they may be Christians, Muslims, Mormons, Jews or Atheists; we must all treat each other as we would treat ourselves. Yet, you must love your self and not degrade yourselves. God does not see us the way the world does.
The enemy time and time again has been taunting me and tempting me to go back to my disastrous past. We are no longer who we once were for we are made new in Christ. Study the Scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to allow you to discern which messages come from the enemy or God. Not all good comes from God. Satan can lure us with promises of a better life but in exchange for our morals, our reputation and sometimes, even our lives are being held hostage by him whenever we choose to strike a deal with him in exchange for things we think we need.
31 years. In a few months, my age will no longer be found on the number of days in a month. I am no longer afraid to age because with age comes maturity and growth. Wisdom comes with it. I only pray that as that date draws close, I am one step closer to fulfilling God's plans for my life as well as the mission He called me to accomplish.
I just came home from Samsung Hall, SM Aura Premier, where Freedom Fest 2018 was held. I met people from different VCF and CCF congregations as well as other Christian churches all over the Metro as we gathered together for a day commemorating the Philippines' 120th anniversary of independence from Spanish colonial rule. Not only was it a celebration of liberty and separation from Spain but it signifies our freedom from bondage. The freedom that Christ gives us compares to nothing we can ever get here on Earth.
Damboo Calixto, a fellow member of VCF Alabang, was surprised to find himself being with another member from his home church. I know him by face but not by name but as we spent almost eight hours together worshipping, listening and praising God, I saw how God has been faithful to him as he came to SM Aura without a ticket, He withdrew money from his account to be able to afford one but God blessed him with a free ticket, allowing him to enjoy and participate in the festivities.
As I listened to the speakers speak about veering away from the world's views on relationships, success and character, I found myself reflecting on the past 31 years of my human existence. One of the speakers said that we should reap for ourselves treasures in heaven for all the luxuries we enjoy now will remain here. We are not to take anything with us to our graves and Paradise.
Have I been reaping those heavenly treasures? For what we consider high in value is only pavement in heaven, as per the words of Pastor JP Masakayan from Christ Commission Fellowship. Marble and gold are expensive and only museums or monoliths use those for its structures. In Pyrgos, Greece, the whole village is made from marble. How awesome is that? Truly, God made wondrous things.
If God gives the flowers unique skin and color, so has he made us unique and in His image and likeness. We are God's representatives on Earth and we should reflect His love, mercy, generosity and compassion to all mankind. Whether they may be Christians, Muslims, Mormons, Jews or Atheists; we must all treat each other as we would treat ourselves. Yet, you must love your self and not degrade yourselves. God does not see us the way the world does.
The enemy time and time again has been taunting me and tempting me to go back to my disastrous past. We are no longer who we once were for we are made new in Christ. Study the Scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to allow you to discern which messages come from the enemy or God. Not all good comes from God. Satan can lure us with promises of a better life but in exchange for our morals, our reputation and sometimes, even our lives are being held hostage by him whenever we choose to strike a deal with him in exchange for things we think we need.
31 years. In a few months, my age will no longer be found on the number of days in a month. I am no longer afraid to age because with age comes maturity and growth. Wisdom comes with it. I only pray that as that date draws close, I am one step closer to fulfilling God's plans for my life as well as the mission He called me to accomplish.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Jang Youngsil | 장영실 - Ep.6 (2016.02.02)
Song Il Kook portrays Jang Youngsil, one of South Korea's greatest astronomers. This historical drama started airing at KBS World January 2016. Educational and very informative. Prior to watching this, I never knew about celestial globes and star stone charts. Places worth visiting are the Gyeonbokgung Palace (english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/SI/SI_EN_3_1_1_1.jsp?cid=264337), Daejeon, South Korea (http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/enu/SI/SI_EN_3_4_10_4.jsp) and Gangwon-do, South Korea (http://english.visitkorea.or.kr/mapInfo.kto?func_name=depth2&md=enu&lang_se=ENG&area_code=32).
Friday, August 7, 2015
HINDI MO KAYANG IBIGIN
Tingin ka ng tingin sa iba
Pero lagi mo akong kausap
Ano ba meron sila
Na sa akin ay wala?
Na sa akin ay wala?
Gabi-gabi may message ka sa akin
Pero ang iksi lang pala nang sasabihin,
"Ipagdasal mo naman ako
Para mawala kalungkutan ko".
Pero ang iksi lang pala nang sasabihin,
"Ipagdasal mo naman ako
Para mawala kalungkutan ko".
Nagbigay na nga ng mga sinyales
Ngunit talagang napaka-dense
Ng utak mong isa lang ang sinasabi
Na may iba kang gustong babae.
Ngunit talagang napaka-dense
Ng utak mong isa lang ang sinasabi
Na may iba kang gustong babae.
Sa tingin mo ba di ako nasasaktan
Sa tuwing ako'y pinapakiusapan
Na kamustahin ang iba
Pero ako di mo man lang kinukumusta?
Sa tuwing ako'y pinapakiusapan
Na kamustahin ang iba
Pero ako di mo man lang kinukumusta?
Siyam na taon akong nanahimik
Sabi ko aking ililihim
Ang nararamdaman ko sa iyo; ito ba ang kapalit?
Na kausapin mo lang at di mahalin?
Sabi ko aking ililihim
Ang nararamdaman ko sa iyo; ito ba ang kapalit?
Na kausapin mo lang at di mahalin?
Kung wala ka rin naman palang nais sa akin
Kundi ang kaibiganin
Wag mo naman akong paasahin
Dahil hindi mo ako kayang ibigin.
Kundi ang kaibiganin
Wag mo naman akong paasahin
Dahil hindi mo ako kayang ibigin.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Road to Nowhere
Life is just a game
It burns you like a torching flame,
puts you to shame,
makes you take the blame.
You will meet people you never knew
They'll befriend you,
use you,
betray you.
What is this all leading to?
What will the results be?
Who will teach me how to treat you
just and rightfully?
End of story
I am free to be me
Thanks for leading me there
To the road to nowhere.
Will Not Fall Again
Originally written in 2003 when I was in 3rd yr. HS.:
Will Not Fall Again
I'm tired of you cheating on me
Always the one hurt is "me"
You think that I don't know your plans
I've had enough of your demands.
Who said: "I'll be true",
and who vowed, "'Til time is through"?
You, wasn't it you?
Do not lie for I know the truth.
I've had regrets and mistakes
Yet, none to what you did
Learned to distinguish real from fake
I know which of these you are.
I will learn to let go
I will learn not to show
These feelings remain hidden
For I will not fall again.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
VIDEO BLOG IS UP!
For your comments, kindly do so by just PM-ing me or tweeting me your reactions. Make your video reaction too!
Well, happy viewing. :)
Monday, September 22, 2014
My PLUMP Story: A Life Full Of Chubby, Sweet Goodness!
No need for introductions if you aren't new to my blog but for the noobs, hello! :)
I am Carissa or as others fondly call me, Cara which means "beloved" or "face"; depending which language you speak. I was named after a friend of my mom or so she says. I never knew my name is actually very common. There are two other girls among my clique with the same name and spelling of the name as mine.
I decided to share with you how I have to come celebrate a life filled with chubby, sweet goodness.
Being raised and born into a family with a history of heart disease, diabetes and even hyperthyroidism, I became aware of the health risks I might get if I don't start to love my body. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder 15 years ago and have been taking maintenance medication bought over the counter as prescribed by a physician. You can say I live a boring life but I say boring as it is, I am contented with it now. Before I used to complain that others have more than I do yet I actually am rich in non-monetary denominations.
All my life I was on the heavy side. I was not a bouncing baby girl; my younger sister was the heaviest among us three. Recently my mom, my sister and I met my mom's attending obstetrician at GAP, Alabang Town Center branch and she asked my mom if she already has grandkids. Well, nope.
That would mean I should have married seven years ago for me to give them a six-year-old grandchild. I am newly single, having broken up with a guy I wasted six years of adulthood on.
My college graduation photo! I graduated
from Asian Institute for Distance Education with a bachelor's degree in Arts major in English on the 2nd day of May in the year of our Lord 2014.
A happy moment with my only brother Angelo at Glico's.
Here are my recent photos:
With my shih tzu baby Nana in our attic at home.
Clockwise: Bea (younger sis), Mum, me and my brother Angelo
Two of my BFFs, Celine and Desiree. :) Love you to the moon and back!
From 195 to 174 pounds now with only video game consoles, dog walking, running and dancing to help me burn the calories then here is how I look:
TAN TA NA NAN!
So yes. I am a plump pinay. PROUD OF IT and I shall treat it as an honor to be one. Same as body love advocates Danah and Stacy of http://theplumpinay.com.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Single Again and Ready To Mingle
I have never felt more confident
and ready to face the world than I do at this moment. It's like I was finally free from an eternal winter or quite similarly I felt like what Olaf must have felt when he finally experienced summer at the end of Disney' "Frozen".
and ready to face the world than I do at this moment. It's like I was finally free from an eternal winter or quite similarly I felt like what Olaf must have felt when he finally experienced summer at the end of Disney' "Frozen".
Dating for six years running and not seeing anyone else other than my ex who I am not ashamed to say is to this day my first boyfriend ever actually made me realize that I should not even entertain marriage proposals yet when I don't even have much experience in dating at all! Why settle down right away? I am not in the right place to have a family of my own yet. I am not even sure I'd want one given that kids don't really feel comfortable with me and my presence alone somehow scares them.
Here's my game plan for the remainder of 2014. I'd go and check this every now and then to monitor my progress and find out if I get bitter or get too emotional because I chose to break it instead of fix it.
Game Plan for 2014
- Become 20-30 pounds lighter than last year. Enroll in more Zumba classes.
- Apply for a job as a TOEFL instructor or put up a small enterprise with help from Mum and Dad.
- Don't stop preparing yummy dishes. Make your own yummy recipes.
- Assist in events planning. Get an internship or part-time job with an events management company.
- Look for summer adult workshops teaching voice, musical theater or professional make-up.
- Go out more often with your friends and family.
- Get out there and make new friends.
- Travel abroad with your best girl friends.
- Go out with someone who shares the same values and interests as yours. It doesn't have to be a guy or a romantic date. A movie date will do.
- End the year right by trying out activities you normally won't do. Ex. wakeboarding, zipline, 3K fun runs, volunteer at GK.
If I keep myself busy, I am pretty sure I would not be bitter. There may be times that I'll miss him but with God's guidance and love, I doubt that will happen often. In fact, I may never be sad about it any longer than I did two weeks ago. I acknowledge that it's over. Why dwell on the what-ifs and should-have-beens?
I AM STRONGER THAN YESTERDAY.
I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY AND I ALONE AM FREE TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY.
Thank you, Lord God for setting me free from a tumultuous relationship. Can it get any better than this?! :)
I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY AND I ALONE AM FREE TO MAKE MYSELF HAPPY.
Thank you, Lord God for setting me free from a tumultuous relationship. Can it get any better than this?! :)
Thursday, February 6, 2014
I'll Start Back At One :(
"I wanna stand with you on a mountain. I wanna bathe with you in the sea. I wanna lay like this forever until the stars fall down on me." -Savage Garden (Truly, Madly, Deeply)
"Undesirable for us to be apart 'coz you know you got the keys to my heart."-- Brian McKnight (Back At One)
I cried again while watching "Beauty and the Beast". Cannot even watch until the end. It reminds me of what I had, what I thought I still have and I believe I should have it. True love doesn't discriminate. It knows no bounds, no limits, no statutes. I lost that loving feeling. Now it's gone.
That's one sad song right there. :'(
"I crave your touch. I crave your lips. I miss so much the excitement of your kiss. Since you're gone, my heart won't behave. It's your love that I still crave."
Whose touch do I miss the most? Is it my lover's touch or the accidental brushing of a hand on mine from someone folks said and believe to this day that I shall never be with?
That moment when you know you just wanted to fly away from here.
They have never been more true. I will still love the same guy when the world ends.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
What Drives Your Life?
Family would say it's the need for approval. Friends will think it's fear or resentment and anger. Somehow, these three all drive my life. I seek recognition for the small things I do. Not that I expect to be rewarded for it, I just really need affirmation; to be told that I did a great job.
Maybe I'm afraid that if I can't give everyone what they expect from me that's when they'd abandon me. I never got used to being alone. Never enjoyed living in my lonesome. I am most joyful while in the company of friends and family.
I'd like my life to be driven by spontaneity. I don't want to be restrained or held back by any barrier or doctrine. I want to be FREE. FREE to do what I want and be allowed to make mistakes. FREE to make my own decisions; including who I'd love to spend eternity with. I want to stop listening to media. Media has made me believed I'm not pretty. I can't even accept compliments without doubting them. People often say what they never mean so I always take compliments and listen to them with uncertainty and low self-esteem.
My boyfriend says that he is also driven by the need for approval. He always tells me that what he does and what he is doing never seems to satisfy his peers. I say in reply, why are you always wondering what they want from you? His mum is retired already from working for the government and she somehow surrendered her responsibilities to provide for Julius and Kris (Julius' sister). Julius is made to be the sole breadwinner.
Des, a college schoolmate and really good friend of ours, is also experiencing discontentment in her life. She rarely joins us for hangouts. She works for clients who don't even deal with her directly yet she still does as she is told. She struggles to complete the tasks assigned to her even if the client and not her gets all the acclaim, fame and glory. I remembered asking her through FB chat why she needs to do that. Have someone utilize her skills and hard work and claim it as the result of their own sweat, blood and tears. She says what we all expect her to say: I am the breadwinner. I don't even have enough money to pay for our utilities and household maintenance.
I am starting to see their lack of passion. I am also slowly reflecting on days where I'd complain that nothing goes right in my life. What I failed to accept was that I am in the place where God wants me to be. He didn't let me graduate on time like everyone else did. He made me remain as a college undergrad so that I could stay home and prepare meals for my family. He has left me to be on guard duty when my siblings and parents are out and I stayed home simply because no one would ask me out for cocktails and bar chow. He showed me how wrong I was when I rejected the courtship of the guy who has been my high school best friend and instead had a relationship with my boyfriend who always makes me ask myself why am I still with him when I don't even like guys who are geeky.
Resentment and anger has always been present in our lives. We are often consumed with regret for things we did and things we failed to do. God only wants us to fulfill our purpose. If we always seek for affirmation, we are trying to do more than what He wants. It's not that it's wrong but it will leave you gasping for breath and ill. God knows when to stop. After He created the Earth and Adam and all the inhabitants of the world, didn't He rest on the seventh day? He didn't work on creating females immediately after He made Adam. He had to see if there was an animal or creature that would best suit man. Turns out no one else can be suitable for man than a woman.
God made all things happen as they are meant to happen. Who are we to doubt Him? When we doubt ourselves, it's equal to being ungrateful. Ungrateful for the blessings He gave us. When we wake in the morning and trouble follows us as we go out of the house, we say God abandoned us and is playing games with us. God doesn't play games with our lives. Everything we are and all that we are about to do? He already knows us! He knows when we are about to make complete fools of ourselves. We can't change destiny but we can alter how it plays out.
What drives my life? For now, it's my dreams.
Maybe I'm afraid that if I can't give everyone what they expect from me that's when they'd abandon me. I never got used to being alone. Never enjoyed living in my lonesome. I am most joyful while in the company of friends and family.
I'd like my life to be driven by spontaneity. I don't want to be restrained or held back by any barrier or doctrine. I want to be FREE. FREE to do what I want and be allowed to make mistakes. FREE to make my own decisions; including who I'd love to spend eternity with. I want to stop listening to media. Media has made me believed I'm not pretty. I can't even accept compliments without doubting them. People often say what they never mean so I always take compliments and listen to them with uncertainty and low self-esteem.
My boyfriend says that he is also driven by the need for approval. He always tells me that what he does and what he is doing never seems to satisfy his peers. I say in reply, why are you always wondering what they want from you? His mum is retired already from working for the government and she somehow surrendered her responsibilities to provide for Julius and Kris (Julius' sister). Julius is made to be the sole breadwinner.
Des, a college schoolmate and really good friend of ours, is also experiencing discontentment in her life. She rarely joins us for hangouts. She works for clients who don't even deal with her directly yet she still does as she is told. She struggles to complete the tasks assigned to her even if the client and not her gets all the acclaim, fame and glory. I remembered asking her through FB chat why she needs to do that. Have someone utilize her skills and hard work and claim it as the result of their own sweat, blood and tears. She says what we all expect her to say: I am the breadwinner. I don't even have enough money to pay for our utilities and household maintenance.
I am starting to see their lack of passion. I am also slowly reflecting on days where I'd complain that nothing goes right in my life. What I failed to accept was that I am in the place where God wants me to be. He didn't let me graduate on time like everyone else did. He made me remain as a college undergrad so that I could stay home and prepare meals for my family. He has left me to be on guard duty when my siblings and parents are out and I stayed home simply because no one would ask me out for cocktails and bar chow. He showed me how wrong I was when I rejected the courtship of the guy who has been my high school best friend and instead had a relationship with my boyfriend who always makes me ask myself why am I still with him when I don't even like guys who are geeky.
Resentment and anger has always been present in our lives. We are often consumed with regret for things we did and things we failed to do. God only wants us to fulfill our purpose. If we always seek for affirmation, we are trying to do more than what He wants. It's not that it's wrong but it will leave you gasping for breath and ill. God knows when to stop. After He created the Earth and Adam and all the inhabitants of the world, didn't He rest on the seventh day? He didn't work on creating females immediately after He made Adam. He had to see if there was an animal or creature that would best suit man. Turns out no one else can be suitable for man than a woman.
God made all things happen as they are meant to happen. Who are we to doubt Him? When we doubt ourselves, it's equal to being ungrateful. Ungrateful for the blessings He gave us. When we wake in the morning and trouble follows us as we go out of the house, we say God abandoned us and is playing games with us. God doesn't play games with our lives. Everything we are and all that we are about to do? He already knows us! He knows when we are about to make complete fools of ourselves. We can't change destiny but we can alter how it plays out.
What drives my life? For now, it's my dreams.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Reflections and A Bibliophile's Lament
Bought e-books of VC Andrews' well-loved stories. Books 1 and 2 of the Cutler series, Books 4 and 5 of the Logan series. IG seller personal_library has been my online source for e-books for two years. I even got the books I requested which were the Miss Peregrine series, Ender's Game by Orson Street Card and Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan series.
Made new friends on Twitter. Met a Pinoy who works as a part-time model in the United Kingdom. I asked him if he has Viber or LINE installed on his mobile phone and he said he doesn't. He only has, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Thought long and hard if I should still save my 7-year relationship with Julius. What am I hoping to save anyway? Do I still love him? I may have loved him but right now I can't see myself getting married to him.Not after I noticed a few things about him and his family.
If we get married, what kind of life will we both have? I want our kids to se their dad everyday and not just on his days off from work. Kung ako nga bihira ko siyang makita, paano pa mga magiging anak namin? Lord knows my patience has been pushed to its limits. Ako pa naman tuwing nauubos pasensya ko, naiirita ako agad at pinalalaki ko ang mga isyung di na dapat pinalalaki. Natatakot ang mga taong sangkot tuwing mangyari ito.
The only herbal medicine I take that somehow manages to control my bipolar disorder is GNC's St. John's Wort.
Made new friends on Twitter. Met a Pinoy who works as a part-time model in the United Kingdom. I asked him if he has Viber or LINE installed on his mobile phone and he said he doesn't. He only has, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Thought long and hard if I should still save my 7-year relationship with Julius. What am I hoping to save anyway? Do I still love him? I may have loved him but right now I can't see myself getting married to him.Not after I noticed a few things about him and his family.
If we get married, what kind of life will we both have? I want our kids to se their dad everyday and not just on his days off from work. Kung ako nga bihira ko siyang makita, paano pa mga magiging anak namin? Lord knows my patience has been pushed to its limits. Ako pa naman tuwing nauubos pasensya ko, naiirita ako agad at pinalalaki ko ang mga isyung di na dapat pinalalaki. Natatakot ang mga taong sangkot tuwing mangyari ito.
The only herbal medicine I take that somehow manages to control my bipolar disorder is GNC's St. John's Wort.
Dosage: two tabs a day (one at breakfast and one at dinner)
It is great help. I can sleep soundly and most nights I sleep dreamless. It clears my head and rids it of undesirable thoughts. My libido decreases as well! Do I need a sexual enhancer? Aren't those just for men?
We will meet this Saturday and try to work it out but there's no guarantee I'll stay if we can't agree on anything anymore. I can be his friend and I'd like for us to remain so.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
“SOMETIMES AN UNCONTROLLABLE feeling of sadness grips us, he said. We recognize that the magic moment of the day has passed and that we’ve done nothing about it. Life begins to conceal its magic and its art.
We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice.
The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
If we are not reborn—if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of childhood—it makes no sense to go on living.”
Excerpt From: Coelho, Paulo. “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.” HarperCollins, 2009-10-13T05:00:00+00:00. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
Started to read this book three weeks ago. I didn't know it was a love story. My own love story is still in the process of completion. How it ends cannot easily be determined. I may be with someone now but how about by year's end? Who's to say the one you're with now remains to be the one you're destined to spend eternity with?
Just a few hours ago, I searched Facebook for my best male friend from high school. He's a single dad and I believe (based on what I know) his daughter has not seen him or lived with him since him and the mom parted ways. This man and I strained our friendship in 2009 and we haven't talked to nor met each other in four years. His FB profile says he only has 15 friends. The last update was Sept. 2013; meaning he hardly accesses his account.
I never forgot him. Dreaming of him has been my only comfort and guarantee that the man I was supposed to protect and love to the very end should be him and not Julius, my boyfriend for seven years running. The only offense my former male friend dealt me was to accuse me of ruining his relationship with his daughter's mother. Many things I can be but a third party isn't one of them. I didn't even know he had gotten someone pregnant until they posted photos of the baby's birth on their FB pages! Then here comes the mother of the irresponsible guy, messaging me on YM and accusing me of being her son's mistress. Who would believe her? People don't even think I'm beautiful enough to be a wife.
Truth be told I loved him. I did and never stopped. It amazes me how my gut can guess what I really feel and reminds me time and again who really holds my heart. It's not my lover. It's my soulmate. We were friends, argued and never gave the ruined friendship any closure. Am I hung up on him? Yes, I gotta admit that too. Missing him has got me in trouble with my boyfriend. He hasn't been jealous as he is with him with any other guy. Well, maybe he is this jealous of the owner of a bar we both frequent. It's because he knows I have history with them. I went to HS with a lot of handsome men. Men who are far more good-looking than my geeky boyfriend.
Not done with this Coelho classic yet but I can tell it's tragic. Misery loves tragedy and company.
We have to listen to the child we once were, the child who still exists inside us. That child understands magic moments. We can stifle its cries, but we cannot silence its voice.
The child we once were is still there. Blessed are the children, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
If we are not reborn—if we cannot learn to look at life with the innocence and the enthusiasm of childhood—it makes no sense to go on living.”
Excerpt From: Coelho, Paulo. “By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept.” HarperCollins, 2009-10-13T05:00:00+00:00. iBooks.
This material may be protected by copyright.
Started to read this book three weeks ago. I didn't know it was a love story. My own love story is still in the process of completion. How it ends cannot easily be determined. I may be with someone now but how about by year's end? Who's to say the one you're with now remains to be the one you're destined to spend eternity with?
Just a few hours ago, I searched Facebook for my best male friend from high school. He's a single dad and I believe (based on what I know) his daughter has not seen him or lived with him since him and the mom parted ways. This man and I strained our friendship in 2009 and we haven't talked to nor met each other in four years. His FB profile says he only has 15 friends. The last update was Sept. 2013; meaning he hardly accesses his account.
I never forgot him. Dreaming of him has been my only comfort and guarantee that the man I was supposed to protect and love to the very end should be him and not Julius, my boyfriend for seven years running. The only offense my former male friend dealt me was to accuse me of ruining his relationship with his daughter's mother. Many things I can be but a third party isn't one of them. I didn't even know he had gotten someone pregnant until they posted photos of the baby's birth on their FB pages! Then here comes the mother of the irresponsible guy, messaging me on YM and accusing me of being her son's mistress. Who would believe her? People don't even think I'm beautiful enough to be a wife.
Truth be told I loved him. I did and never stopped. It amazes me how my gut can guess what I really feel and reminds me time and again who really holds my heart. It's not my lover. It's my soulmate. We were friends, argued and never gave the ruined friendship any closure. Am I hung up on him? Yes, I gotta admit that too. Missing him has got me in trouble with my boyfriend. He hasn't been jealous as he is with him with any other guy. Well, maybe he is this jealous of the owner of a bar we both frequent. It's because he knows I have history with them. I went to HS with a lot of handsome men. Men who are far more good-looking than my geeky boyfriend.
Not done with this Coelho classic yet but I can tell it's tragic. Misery loves tragedy and company.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Sooner or Later, It All Comes Crashing Down
This was us during happier times. I keep asking myself how did I ever learn to love someone I am usually not attracted to. Geeks have always bored me with conversations that speak of politics, history or current affairs. I was the girl who would fall for the varsity player, the guy who can sing well and charm the panties off every woman who gets the pleasure of listening to him live, the K-pop celebrity who will always be worlds apart from me. Believe me when I tell you that the one I'm with has become the one I think I have to let go of.
I tried to ignore the signs telling me to leave him and not bear the burden this seven-year relationship has given me. To borrow a phrase from the movie, "Enchanted":
However in my case the bad times far outweigh the good. I am the type of woman who expects a lot from a relationship. I still believe in chivalry and would be so delighted if it still exists today. The man I have been with has never ever brought me flowers. He has instead given me chocolates and stuffed toys; treating me like a high school girl who would squeal in delight at the very thought of receiving such gifts. Of course I accepted them but he also knows I have given some of the stuffed toys he gave me away. He took my koala bear Aussie & gave me a Brown LINE doll. Gave me practical stuff as presents for my birthday. No anniversary gifts, trips out of town or any overnight trip that only the two of us would take. It's not like my parents would approve anyway. They believe we might engage in something we'll both regret and they are sure we will regret it.
Yet there are couples involving younger women who are allowed by their parents to go on a weekend vacation to Palawan, Bohol or even abroad. They just advise their daughter to make sure the boyfriend has condoms or brings any form of contraception with him during the trip. That doesn't guarantee they won't have a grandchild waiting to arrive in nine months. The boyfriend shouldn't be responsible if the condom breaks. More often than not if a girl gets pregnant, she gets all the blame. The parents thinks she is lewd, aggressive and desperate for love and affection. Maybe I am like that sometimes but I won't go around making booty calls at every man who is willing. Oh, you don't think no one is willing to do so? Ha, there have been about five to ten guys in high school who wanted to take me out on a date. I dumped all of them mainly because I knew how the date will go. How can you not tell what the guy wants from you? If he keeps condoms in his wallet and lubricant in his vanity kit, you are in deep trouble.
Nothing turns out the way you expect them to. This seven-year relationship should be put to a halt until my man decides if he will finally muster the courage to do what he has to.
What that is, I'll leave it to him to guess.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Stormy Days Ahead... Is This Another "Ondoy" Waiting To Happen?
Typhoon Maring is still inside the Philippine Area of Responsibility (PAR) and is somewhere in Batanes. It was initially reported that it will leave the country by tomorrow but because Maring has strengthened the southwest monsoon, Filipinos have become victims of flash floods, landslides and many are also stranded on their way home from work.
My cousins, their partners, my aunt and my nieces' house is flooded until now. We don't have any recent updates on their plight. My friend @CooletShamii experienced flood inside their residence that is as high as a human adult! Lots of major roads were closed to light vehicles and only rubber boats and jet skis are able to pass and assist in emergency rescue operations.
@RescuePH and the @philredcross urge Filipinos to use the hashtag #rescueph to help them determine the locations and people who need immediate rescuing and emergency response.
Emergency numbers we all must save on our phones and keep posted on our refrigerator doors
Source: Burger King Philippines FB page
Various mall establishments and schools like Alabang Town Center and Assumption College San Lorenzo in San Lorenzo Village, Makati are now accepting donations of nonperishable food items, bottled water, personal hygiene items, clothes, pillows, cots and blankets. You may contact the ATC Concierge at telephone number (02) 842-2782 and Assumption San Lorenzo at (02) 817-0757.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Movie Review: "The Conjuring"
Ed and Lorraine Warren worked together and helped each other solve various cases of paranormal activity, reported ghost sightings and also handled exorcisms. Lorraine's a clairvoyant (the ability to gain information about an object, person, location or physical event through means other than the known human senses,[1][2] a form of extra-sensory perception) while Ed was the only non-ordained demonologist recognized by the Vatican.
The scary doll that no one is allowed to touch as it is believed to be possessed
Mrs. Perron investigating the commotion she heard in the basement
Notes:1. Demons talked to Andrea Perron and her mom who can both sense the demons and hear them.
2. The Perron haunted house was the scene of a brutal murder.
3. Interviews were conducted as part of research for the movie.
4. The real estate agent who sold the Perrons their property prior to their move warned them not to close the lights at night. The agent must have had first-hand experience with the paraormal and has witnessed a demonic possession and sighting.
The Perron Family
"The Conjuring" will be shown in Philippine theaters starting August 21. It is exclusively distributed by Warner Bros. Philippines and produced by New Line Cinema.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Vegetarians may have lower risk of heart disease: study | ABS-CBN News
Vegetarians may have lower risk of heart disease: study | ABS-CBN News
How would I begin? I've always been a carnivore. I have a pescetarian for a boyfriend so somehow, I've had dates wherein we ate at Bodhi, a vegetarian fastfood found in SM mall foodcourts. It helps that the mock meat doesn't taste at all like veggies.
At home, it took a while since I learned how to love veggies and eat them on a regular basis. Ampalaya would always be a vegetable I despise and avoid eating. You can give me carrots, zucchini, spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, eggplant and kangkong but you cannot force me to eat okra, munggo and any other vegetable that's in the popular dish, pinakbet. If I don't like it, I definitely won't taste it and devour it.
Recently when I do research on how to keep the fat off or lose it gradually, studies similar to this UK study on vegetarianism always come up. It's all some ploy to get you to eat less of the stuff you like and eat more of the fiber-rich variety. Wheatgrass can detox your entire digestive tract with just 2 glasses daily. I remember losing 10 lbs. when I was still drinking wheatgrass capsules. Yeah, it made me lose weight FAST!
Being an endomorph (that's my body type) means it's hard for me to lose weight. I found a diet that says you must start eating right for your body type. An endomorph must avoid carbs, eat legumes of different kinds daily, have 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily, avoid sugary and fatty food plus drink more milk. Not an easy thing to do.
I still believe exercise and diet go hand in hand. Unless you've got money to burn on Belo treatments, this is really how you should go about your goal to becoming fit.
How would I begin? I've always been a carnivore. I have a pescetarian for a boyfriend so somehow, I've had dates wherein we ate at Bodhi, a vegetarian fastfood found in SM mall foodcourts. It helps that the mock meat doesn't taste at all like veggies.
At home, it took a while since I learned how to love veggies and eat them on a regular basis. Ampalaya would always be a vegetable I despise and avoid eating. You can give me carrots, zucchini, spinach, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, eggplant and kangkong but you cannot force me to eat okra, munggo and any other vegetable that's in the popular dish, pinakbet. If I don't like it, I definitely won't taste it and devour it.
Recently when I do research on how to keep the fat off or lose it gradually, studies similar to this UK study on vegetarianism always come up. It's all some ploy to get you to eat less of the stuff you like and eat more of the fiber-rich variety. Wheatgrass can detox your entire digestive tract with just 2 glasses daily. I remember losing 10 lbs. when I was still drinking wheatgrass capsules. Yeah, it made me lose weight FAST!
Being an endomorph (that's my body type) means it's hard for me to lose weight. I found a diet that says you must start eating right for your body type. An endomorph must avoid carbs, eat legumes of different kinds daily, have 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily, avoid sugary and fatty food plus drink more milk. Not an easy thing to do.
I still believe exercise and diet go hand in hand. Unless you've got money to burn on Belo treatments, this is really how you should go about your goal to becoming fit.
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